Coalition of the losers (WITH AUDIO)

Listen to the full monologue here:

Adler monologue march 28th

If this election yields yet another Tory minority, expect a three-headed monster to grab at power

By Charles Adler, QMI Agency

Last Updated: March 27, 2011 9:31am

OK, Canada is not Libya or Egypt or Yemen.

We are not economic basket cases that have been governed by psychos, superstition and savagery. We are not teetering on the abyss.

But this would be a very poor time to exercise typical Canadian complacency. The election nobody wants could suck us into a black hole that nobody needs.

In your high school physics class you may remember the teacher describing parts of space where nothing, absolutely nothing could escape, not even a flicker of light. Nothing.

If the Harper Conservatives end up with something short of a majority, the Black Hole Coalition is activated. Michael Ignatieff has no plans to go back to Harvard. The plan is to go back to the drawing board, to the game called "Let's do something European. Let's have a coalition."

Now we remember how Canadians reacted the last time to the prospect of a coalition government where the first liners, to borrow a hockey term, would be Stephane Dion centering for Jack Layton and Gilles Duceppe. But that was then and this is now.

Here's what Now looks like. The Tories fail to get a majority in May and when Parliament reconvenes they fail to win a vote of confidence following another attempt at a budget.

Michael Ignatieff reaches for his posterior and pulls out a piece of paper with a lot of signatures on it. They all have one thing in common. None of them are members of the Conservative party. All of them are members of parties that lost.

Some could call it a coalition of losers. But it would be a coalition that could easily win the day with the Governor General.

This time the GG could not allow Stephen Harper to prorogue or to have another election so soon after the previous one. He would have to take seriously the notion that this cast of characters now in opposition could between them have the numbers to sustain power for a period 18 months to two years.

Stephen Harper with a minority government facing the opposition he has now and is likely to have after this election wouldn't have much of an argument to counter the Coalition forces. What's Stephen Harper going to say? "Your Excellency. Give me a chance to dissolve Parliament, declare Martial Law and we can make this country purr like a Ferrari."

And you can stop laughing now.

The problem with this joke is it's no joke. Before Christmas of this year one of the most successful economies on the planet could be in the hands of three people who should never be allowed near the National Vault. Can you imagine a scenario where Michael Ignatieff is the Prime Minister, Jack Layton is the finance minister?

His highest priority would be keeping his eyes on his BlackBerry, where Gilles Duceppe is updating the Separatist Shopping list every hour.

The crystal clear message to the West would be “Create your own Bloc Quebecois.” That’s the only way to have real clout in Ottawa.

The Black Hole scenario along with the decaying of the Daddy Dalton brand is why the Tories ought to be able to crush the Liberals in the Greater Toronto Area. That would be the key to snatching victory from Michael Ignatieff who at this moment is channeling Mick Jagger. " I see a Red Door and I want to paint it Black."

Multiculturalism mine

You almost want to excuse Trudeau for falling into dad’s trap. Almost

By CHARLES ADLER, QMI Agency

Last Updated: March 18, 2011 2:00am

Everyone knows by now that Justin Trudeau is uncomfortable being out of the limelight.

This week he Charlie Sheened himself back into the spotlight by saying he was “uncomfortable” with the word “barbaric” being associated with certain cultural practices in Africa and Asia. Justin was hurling this politically correct vomit all over Twitter. He thought he had an opportunity to make the Harper government look insensitive to visible minority immigrants and he seized it.

Michael Ignatieff defended Justin. Canada’s “visiting professor” would sooner flunk the Christ child than mark “incomplete” on the report card of Pierre Trudeau’s eldest son. Pierre Trudeau, the patron saint of the modern day Liberal Party, is the midwife of state-sponsored, state-subsidized, state-corrupted multiculturalism.

A tiny part of me wants to give Justin a pass.

Perhaps it’s not really his fault that he slipped on the multicultural banana peel. It was left for him by the 800-pound gorilla, his father.

Read the full article HERE.

Like it or Gump it

As per Forrest's maxim, stupid acts sinking otherwise bright Tories

By CHARLES ADLER, QMI Agency

Last Updated: March 11, 2011 2:00am

 

Welcome to the Forrest Gump election.

"Stupid is as stupid does." That was the most memorable phrase from the 1994 Oscar winner that cemented Tom Hanks into the hearts of moviegoers. Stupid is as stupid does told us, as if we had any doubt, that a person's intelligence doesn't matter beans. If he does stupid things, he is judged as stupid.

Without drilling down deep into the in-and-out bookkeeping, Bev Oda's spin altering and Jason Kenney's clumsy letterheading, the truth is simple. This government is being defeated, though not because Stephen Harper is stupid. He's not. Neither is Oda or Kenney.

But stupid is as stupid does. And the acts are more important than the basic IQ of those who commit them, and those who have to answer for them.

Everyone knows Stephen Harper rode into power on the high horse of accountability and shooting straight.

The feedbag for the Harper horse was Adscam. Actually, it was more like a feast bag. It was a once-in-a-generation scandal.

Odagate and In-and-outgate and Letterheadgate are unicellular life forms compared to the beast of the east that was Adscam.

Nobody is saying Bev Oda's integrity has cost Canadians tens of millions of dollars. And while the in-and-out scandal can be argued as a raid on the taxpayer, it was chump change compared to Adscam. So it would be stupid to assert that these issues add up to Adscam. They don't.

On the other hand, the daily drip-drip of evidence that the Tories don't care about the supremacy of Parliament can create an odour of arrogance. That's what results in e-mails to my inbox from longtime Tory supporters, like this one from Calgary:

"As of late, the Conservative Party has gotten a little too arrogant and too careless for even my liking and I'm not alone with that thought. Simply put, there have been far too many 'issues.' The good work they are doing with the economy will get lost in all the noise."

Even the faithful are starting to wonder whether the relatively long-in-the-tooth minority government may be down a litre in competence while overflowing with arrogance.

Now there are those who think that none of this will lead to a dropping of the writ because Jack Layton will find a way to offer his crutches to Stephen Harper. It's true that Jack's prostate is in a 15-round bout with cancer. It's also true his hips must feel like they left the operating table five minutes ago. But it would be stupid to conclude Layton would ever willingly cave to cancer cells or hip pain.

This is a man who refuses to say "uncle" to Father Time.

You can disagree with his politics, but you have to bow to his stamina. Layton is a middle-aged marvel. He leaves people half his age in the dust.

His partner in life, the terminally youthful Olivia Chow, would never discourage Jack from going pedal to the metal in what will likely be his last campaign.

Anyone who doubts Jack's desire to compete is also suffering from a bad case of stupid.

In that quirky Tom Hanks movie, we learned that life is unpredictable and that anything could happen to and for anybody.

Anything in this Forrest Gump vote could see the election of Prime Minister Ignatieff.

Don’t blame Canada

Hey Obama, we didn't get you in this mess, don't tax us to fix it

By CHARLES ADLER, QMI Agency

Last Updated: February 18, 2011 9:56am

I am not inside Barack Obama’s big brain. So I have no idea whether the American president spends more than five minutes every 10 years thinking about Canada.

Having spent five years living in the U.S., I had the impression the average American spent less than five minutes per lifetime thinking about the “true north strong and free.” If he thinks about Canada at all, Obama should withdraw his insulting proposal to charge Canadians $5.50 a head for visiting America.

Memo to President Obama: “Hey Mr. President, the global financial crisis was created by dumb U.S. government policy, irresponsible U.S. interest rate policy and U.S. financial witchcraft.

“To be blunt, Canada wasn’t on the mattress when this baby was conceived. Why are you forcing us to share the incubator? Haven’t we done enough already? Hasn’t our economy alone suffered enough collateral damage from the Washington-Wall St. stink bomb? Haven’t we been helpful by giving you access to millions of litres of ethical oil?

“And what about all the hundreds of millions we are on the hook for to help your government bail out General Motors? Did we really have a choice? Had we chosen not to play ball, you would have turned the North American Free Trade Agreement into toilet paper.

“Sir, if you are honestly thinking of penalizing Canada for American mistakes, please remember the words of that great American songwriter Billy Joel: ‘We didn’t the start the fire.’ ”

Now if you’re a Canadian left-winger, you may be seething because I’m not lap dogging the Great Obama. But you need to grateful the Canadian head tax idea wasn’t conceived by the president you will always think of as the runt of the American litter, George W. Bush. Yes, he’s the one who, in your opinion, stole the election from the planet’s best friend, Al Gore.

Bush is the one who you believe would never have become president had the lock on the White House door not been picked by conservative Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. Bush is the dude who, in your opinion, gave democracy a bad name especially when he said he wanted Arabs to have a democracy in the cradle of civilization, Iraq.

Remember how willing you were to listen to the theory that Bush was so insecure with the thought of having to win re-election legitimately that he cooked up a conspiracy to murder thousands of Americans on Sept. 11, 2001. In order to do it, he had to use his daddy’s connections with the bin Laden family.

What you call history may be a fractured fairy tale to the rest of us. But is there any disgusting or barbaric theory you would not fall for if it was peddled as just another George W. Bush-induced nightmare? If you’re a left-winger, you have to be thrilled Bush isn’t the one with flypaper palms trying to pick up as many Canadian $5 bills as he can. If this head tax was a Bush idea, you would want to decapitate him.

Come on. Admit it to Uncle Chuck. Aren’t there times like this when you really miss your favourite enemy?