The Menzoid is a firm believer in Murphy’s Law – you know, what can wrong likely will go wrong.
Thus, when The Menzoid had to leave the country recently, he wanted to ensure his daily Pick 4 lottery numbers would be played. Because you just know the day you don’t play them is the day those digits come up. Fate has a real mean streak.
Anyway, The Menzoid couldn’t trust Lady Menzoid with this task, because Lady Menzoid thinks all lotteries are a waste of money and she constantly nags The Menzoid what an idiot he is for playing lottery games and to be truthful, at this point, one of the main reasons The Menzoid continues to play his lottery numbers now is so that he’ll one day win a jackpot not so that he’ll get to enjoy the good life but so that he can look Lady Menzoid in the eye and scram: “AHA! Who’s the idiot now, baby?! WHO? WHO?”
But The Menzoid digresses….
In any event, The Menzoid decided to leave his lotto numbers and the money to buy the tickets with Sun News Network ace reporter Faith Goldy, a woman who is as brainy as she is beautiful – which is to say she’s Lex Luthor brilliant. Or at least The Menzoid thought she was.
Even so, prior to departure, The Menzoid reiterated to Faith three times the following: “Promise you won’t forget to play the numbers, OK Faith?”
And Faith nonchalantly said each time: “No problem-o, Menzoid. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. I won’t forget. Promise.”
Alas, when The Menzoid returned from his odyssey, Faith was the first persons he sought out. Because, hey, perhaps The Menzoid had a nice welcome home cheque waiting for him?
But when The Menzoid asked Faith for his lottery tickets, her body language said it all: she slumped in her chair and slapped her forehead with her hand and said, “Oh no, Menzoid. You’re never going to believe it. I forgot to play your numbers. Here’s your 20 bucks back.”
The Menzoid was mortified. He felt as though he was staring at Medusa. How could Faith have done this? After all, The Menzoid had had such … faith in Faith.
The Menzoid ran to his computer and visited the Ontario Lottery Corporation’s website. He scrolled up and down the columns of the previously drawn numbers. Turns out none of The Menzoid’s numbers were drawn.
Still, Faith had not kept her promise. And momentarily, Faith had given the Menzoid a quasi-heart attack until he had confirmation his numbers had not been drawn. Thus, it was time for a “teachable moment”: As a compromise, The Menzoid requested Faith to pay him $200 in compensation. $200 is the lowest prize value offered by Pick 4, so really, The Menzoid is truly being a trooper by not demanding the top prize of $5,000.
To his shock and amazement, Faith said she didn’t owe The Menzoid a single red cent beyond the original $20 she had already given him. Talk about chutzpah!
Alas, now there is tension between us in the newsroom. The Menzoid understandably wants compensation; Faith Goldy thinks she actually did him a favour by NOT playing the numbers because at least he got his original 20 bucks back.
But just when you think you know all the answers, The Menzoid changes the questions. Which is why The Menzoid is going public with this sordid tale on the Charles Adler Electric Radio Show. Sure, Faith won’t pay The Menzoid the $200 that is rightfully his. But she’s the one that will soon be nursing a P.R. black eye. Sorry, Faith, but that’s what you get for not doing the right thing.